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The beginning of The Last Tour

In Basic Training They said we'd all have our happy asses sent to Vietnam. They were wrong. Nobody was sent to Vietnam. Rather we all went to different schools. So I just put Southeast Asia out of my mind and submitted "dream sheets" asking to be sent to England or Germany. I went instead to Travis AFB in California. I was only 400 miles from my home in Los Angeles. Around Christmas of 1974, I got orders to Udorn Royal Thai Air Force Base in Udorn Thani Thailand. That's why they were called "dream sheets"

Early in 1975 a rather small number of GI's boarded a C-130 transport at Clark Air Base in the Philippines and flew a southern route around Vietnam and over Laos, and landed in Thailand. It smelled and Lord help us it was hotter and more humid than Houston Texas in August. A happy fellow in a Hawaiian print shirt and shorts met the Security Police, which was my job title. We were taken to the 432nd SP Squadron in an open civilian bus the roof of which was laced with dingle balls. We were given Hooch assignments and a box of condoms and told to settle in and report back in 2 days. I had met a few former Udorn guys at Travis and went to Air Base Defense School with a few others bound also for Udorn. The hooch's were non-air conditioned buildings with tin roofs and screen walls at the floor and ceiling. There was a piece of plywood in the middle for modesty purposes. While sitting in my hooch totally dumbstruck with culture shock, I received official orders to "Off Base Orientation." The letter stated casual but neat civilian clothing was the uniform of the day. I was just disoriented enough to fall for this. I appeared at the Main Gate precisely at the required 1800 hours. There I met the guys that knew the guys I had met back in the world. They played the "acting under orders" part well. I was given some strange coins. The "orientation" would begin with off base transportation options. First up was a ride in a three-wheeled pedal bike known as a Samilar. That was followed by a trip on a Baht Bus. These were small Japanese pickups fitted with benches and a cloth roof in the back. During our ride downtown I was told if I ever got in trouble or was lost I should jump in a Thai Taxi and say "Bi Base Kop" and the taxi would bring me back.

We had a great steak dinner, which set us back about $2. We walked down back streets that reminded me of old movies I had seen. The walking tour was followed by a whirlwind tour of the various clubs in Udorn. They went by in a haze of beer, booze and very short women. The evening ended for the group when I was hustled into a taxi with a girl that spoke perhaps 4 words of English. All I knew was "Bi Base Kop." We drove late into the night. Long enough to worry me and take away some of the alcohol induced fog. I muttered my words, "Bi Base Kop" but if it were working I had no way of knowing. I was 14 thousand miles from home and suddenly very scared. But the guys had taken care of me. The girl was a pro, in more ways than one. We eventually were dropped at her bungalow where the night continued. Along with the first promise of daylight came my worry once more. I asked the girl whose name I neither understood nor could remember how to get back to the base? She repeated the word "base" and so did I. It was something we had in common. Sensing my unease she rose and pulled back the curtains on the only window in the room. There less than 2 blocks straight down the road was the Main Gate. I dressed; she snickered and asked for Baht. I knew that meant money and I gave her what I had, and then hurried into the gray of dawn. Before I could get to the gate, a much taller woman approached. I thought "Now this is more my size." She put her arm in mine and whispered in a deep baritone and male voice, "come with me I give you everything you want." I broke contact and ran for the gate. The troops working the main gate explained I had just met my first "Katoy," A Thai cross dresser. They said the only thing they gave was a brick up the side of your head before robbing you. I departed for my hooch. The guys at the gate called after me laughing " Hey man, Welcome to Thailand . . . "